The Dark Side Of 'Good Vibes'

How 'toxic positivity' can invalidate our emotions and ultimately leave us feeling worse.

Maintaining a positive outlook on life — even in the face of adversity — is something that's almost universally praised. But while persevering through the tough times with a smile on your face is commendable, things can (ironically) turn sour when we're unconditionally optimistic.

Despite what certain self-help books and manifestation experts might tell us, we're not designed to be in a 'high-vibe frequency' all the time. Embracing the negative emotions and riding the ups and downs of life is all part of being human. When we force ourselves to stay upbeat during difficult times — without acknowledging how we really feel — it can lead to a vicious cycle of repressed emotions. And, just like that bottle of soda that's been shaken up in the car, it's bound to explode at some point (often, at the worst possible time).

If you've ever told a friend (or, yourself) "Cheer up, things could be worse" without validating that things are actually really damn tough right now — you might have fallen prey to a phenomenon known as 'toxic positivity.'

What is toxic positivity?

Toxic positivity is a term coined by psychiatrist Gayani DeSilva who described it as, “an insincere positivity that leads to harm, needless suffering, or misunderstanding.”

This can be directed at ourselves, or others. Popular sayings like “look on the bright side” and “it could be worse” and “cheer up” might be said with good intentions, but they can actually harm others and diminish their negative feelings.

So, how can you tell if you’re suffering from toxic positivity? Below are some of the telltale signs that it might be time to become more open to the full spectrum of emotions (not just the 'socially acceptable' ones).