Approval Detox: How To Stop Caring What Others Think

Key questions to ask yourself when you find yourself obsessing about external opinions.

Ever wished you were one of those people who doesn't care about what other people think of you?

Not the type of person who claims they don’t care but proceeds to passively-aggressively post quotes like ‘If you can’t accept me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best” until their so-called antagonist notices them. But rather, a genuine ‘no sweat off my back’ attitude about the opinion of others.

If you're a sensitive soul who ruminates about why your Uber rating dropped below 4.8 or spends hours trying to decipher why the bus driver gave you that look... it's easy to look at these confident, nonchalant types and assume they're some kind of superhuman.

And, in a way, they are — or at the very least, they're outliers. Because the fact is, it’s human nature to want others to like us. In early civilisation, those who weren’t accepted by their tribe had a much greater chance of starving to death or being eaten by a lion. Or, they might be killed by the very tribe that rejected them. Naturally, those who were accepted were more likely to survive. Couple this evolutionary trait with our modern, validation-focused digital society and it’s no surprise that we all want to be liked and accepted.

So, as much as motivational speakers may try to tell us that we should give zero effs about the opinions of others, it’s completely normal. But, that doesn't mean it's helpful for your mental health, relationships, and overall happiness. After all, when we put too much stock in other people's opinions, we discounting our trust in ourselves and giving away our personal power. Essentially, we're telling ourselves that their assessment of us—whether we're cool, nice, pretty or smart enough — is more important than our own.

That said, when we're so deeply programmed to care what the 'tribe' thinks, not caring what other people think is much easier said than done. To help you moderate your care factor, here are some key questions to ask yourself when you find yourself in a rumination spiral.